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Dear Diary, I have always been brutally honest to you and while it is true that it has been a long time since I have paid you a visit, I hold no contempt to the fact that I haven't paid you any attention purely for the fact that you aren't sentient and addressing you is futile. So that's that, and while that is so, this sentence ends this paragrapgh and contains one typo left intentionally because it is more hassle for me to hit backspace a few times than typing this out. The above paragraph reeks of post-modernism but this one doesn't because it's quasi-paradoxical. What ever that means! Ironic LOL! Today I received a comment over the in

Dear Diary, Today was most uneventful. I have nothing of substance to write because your face is a giant pineapple. I like pineapples. They kind of look friendly, only they sort of have a rough texture to them – something of which I'd have to say is one of the only negative aspects about pineapples. Although don't worry, I'm not trying to make some poetic metaphor about your face. My thoughts on pineapples are totally unrelated to the way your face looks, smells and feels. Your face may sound like pineapples though… …But enough about your face and pineapples, because that's ridiculous – unlike the following: So I w

Dear Diary, Today was most uneventful. I woke up once again riddled with the flu, hallucinating vividly about a big, blobby white shape, which was positioned above me - slightly to the left. I hid under the covers for a non-descript amount of time until I heard the cat heaving violently. If any sound were to raise me from comatose it would be the sound of a cat heaving violently as if it were about to empty the contents of its stomach over me and/or my bed covers. I don’t usually allow people to deposit their bodily fluids on my bedspread without my prior consent, let alone animals. I guess I’m just eccentric like that. Before Mrs.