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Dear Diary

Journal Entry: Thu Jan 31, 2008, 11:02 AM
Dear Diary,

Today was most uneventful. I have nothing of substance to write because your face is a giant pineapple. I like pineapples. They kind of look friendly, only they sort of have a rough texture to them – something of which I’d have to say is one of the only negative aspects about pineapples.

Although don’t worry, I’m not trying to make some poetic metaphor about your face. My thoughts on pineapples are totally unrelated to the way your face looks, smells and feels. Your face may sound like pineapples though…

…But enough about your face and pineapples, because that’s ridiculous – unlike the following:

So I was just at the shop and saw a man. I say a man, more like a boy. I say a boy, more like a hideous monstrosity engineered though millennia of inbreeding, who happens to be universal champion at bobbing for surgical scalpels in a corroded steel bucket filled with sulphuric acid and infested with man-eating piranha fish. How do these man-eating piranha fish manage to survive in such an environment you say? Well, to put it simply, they are ultra-mutants. Mutants so persistent to survive, they have adapted to their immediate surroundings. Of course, these ultra-mutant piranha fish do not occur in nature, no. They were genetically grown, given supplements and steroids, amongst many other drugs by an eccentric and crazed scientist somewhere in the eastern hemisphere of this very world. I won’t be divulging any further information about said scientist because he would probably prefer to remain in anonymity, working and scheming from within the shadows, unbeknownst by mainstream society – plus if I did bang on about him any more, I’d be further straying from the point that I saw this man at the shop just a while ago. I say a man, more like a boy. Well, I say a boy, more like… Never mind. In summary, all I pretty much wanted to say was that he was fucking ugly.

Hello, I am a new paragraph that has become self-aware. That is all.

So anyway, I just briskly jogged across the road because I wanted to get back home as quickly as possible before he went on a crazed frenzy of inbred-induced-blood-rampage-and-rape-fest after realising that he had no chance of copulating with anyone other than his mongoloid sister. What bugs me is when people have preconceived notions about how it’s wrong to cross the road when the little man is red on the traffic light. I just don’t see the point. If you see that everything is in check, just cross the road. There’s no need to wait around for ages. I mean, I had just crossed the road when the lights indicated not to and I was absolutely fine. Sure, I was hit by a car, caused a twelve car pileup, blew up a children’s hospital and gave an old man 7 consecutive heart attacks in the space of seven minutes, of which all but two he survived. I say two, because he was technically dead for a good four minutes before he was resuscitated by a paramedic... Of course, then afterwards the paramedic had been decapitated by a motorbike failing to avoid the debris caused by the smouldering mound of dead children blockading the crossroads, but the point is, I am fine and got up unharmed. So you might argue with me by saying that I had obviously put myself into irrefutable danger because I had been hit by this car. Well let me correct you. If you use me as a study in order to prove one way or the other that crossing the road whilst the little man is red is either safe or dangerous, you will find that statistically, out of the many, many times I had previously crossed the road in the same situation, I have always reached the other side of the road unharmed. Even if you include the last occurrence in the equation, I still remained safe and unharmed. Time is money, cross that road and let no mere road safety regulation get in your way - Especially if there’s a sexually repressed and inbred individual just a few feet away from you.

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    Devious Comments

    ~Era1309:iconEra1309: Oct 30, 2008, 9:58:42 PM
    Por dios... que bello!!
    Amo las fotos que tomas...
    <3_<3

    --
    +~¡ImaGin@!~+
    (o no imagines)
    =Em-j-akahana:iconEm-j-akahana: Oct 23, 2008, 12:49:20 PM
    i used your stock :)

    [link]

    --
    Gotta love Pete going out the window! :D
    :[link]
    ~queenseptienna:iconqueenseptienna: Oct 22, 2008, 1:25:16 PM
    I used your stock here --> LINK

    --
    Monasterium sine libris est sicut civitas sine opibus,castrum sine numeris,coquina sine suppellectili,mensa sine cibis,hortus sine herbis,pratum sine floribus,arbor sine foliis.
    ~queenseptienna:iconqueenseptienna: Oct 22, 2008, 1:21:12 PM
    Hi! I used your stock here --> LINK

    --
    Monasterium sine libris est sicut civitas sine opibus,castrum sine numeris,coquina sine suppellectili,mensa sine cibis,hortus sine herbis,pratum sine floribus,arbor sine foliis.
    ~Shiroi-Ichigo:iconShiroi-Ichigo: Oct 13, 2008, 4:28:37 PM
    god, you're beautiful.

    --
    :blackrose: toki no RIZUMU wo shireba~
    mo ichido toberu darou

    k | i | t | t | e | n
    ~magikwishez:iconmagikwishez: Sep 23, 2008, 8:06:37 PM
    :star: :damphyr: Happy Birthday!! ^_^

    ~September 23~
    *canuckgurl22:iconcanuckgurl22: Sep 23, 2008, 7:40:59 PM
    :wave: Happy Birthday! I hope you have a great day! :hug:

    --
    Alyssa Schroeder Photography - Portraits | Nature | Macros
    Facebook | Stock
    `synconi:iconsynconi: Sep 23, 2008, 9:24:47 AM
    :wave: Happy birthday!!! :party: :cake: :heart:

    --
    Smile...It confuses people.
    *Cmac13:iconCmac13: Sep 23, 2008, 6:22:06 AM
    An old fashioned rhyme for you on your special day

    Monday's child is fair of face.
    Tuesday's child is full of grace.
    Wednesday's child is loving and giving.
    Thursday's child works hard for a living,
    Friday's child fears no foe.
    Saturday's child has far to go.
    And Sunday’s child is bonny and wise in every way.
    :icondoublehugplz: :icondoublehugplz::icondoublehugplz:

    More about the rhyme: [link]

    --
    A person who works with their hands is a laborer.
    One who works with their hands and mind is a craftsman.
    The person who brings their hands, mind, and :heart:
    to their work :clap: that person is an artist.”
    *birthdays:iconbirthdays: Sep 23, 2008, 1:47:15 AM
    :w00t: :dance: :cake: !!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!! :cake: :dance: :w00t:

    It's September 23rd which means it's your special day. Hoping you have a fantastic birthday, get some nice gifts and generally get to enjoy it lots.

    All the best and much love from the birthdays team to you :hug:

    ---
    Birthdays Team
    This birthday greeting was brought to you by: `nyssi
    =HopeInDespair:iconHopeInDespair: Sep 5, 2008, 6:22:57 AM
    Yo, love your work! Definitely watch-worthy! My friend insists on me telling you that your hair is awesome :bucktooth:

    --
    My :3 fayse wears a party hat. Just like my D: fayse wears a party hat. They party together <:3-- Sara Bear
    ~The-Vampyress-K:iconThe-Vampyress-K: Sep 1, 2008, 12:19:49 PM Mood: Longing
    I remember seeing a photo of you a while ago, and I know you probably get this a lot...
    but you are an absolutely gorgeous guy...

    --
    ......And now you all die......
    ~Samanasa-Chan:iconSamanasa-Chan: Aug 12, 2008, 7:18:33 PM
    I KNEW YOU ON VAMPIREFREAKS!!! omg :D

    --
    "I knew peace only when I killed... and when I heard her heart in that terrible rhythm I knew again what peace could be"

    Open for commission
    =Superhellsing:iconSuperhellsing: Jul 5, 2008, 5:34:34 PM
    I used one of your pictures as a reference image, here is the [link]

    Thanks! :)

    --
    The scent of death should inspire you to live
    ~orchid514:iconorchid514: Jul 3, 2008, 11:13:07 AM Mood: Love
    I used your awesome photos. you can see it here:)
    link
    ~shyshy1:iconshyshy1: Jun 27, 2008, 6:06:04 PM
    Omg. Love you <3

    You red hair.. it rawks :3

    --
    Supposedly 98% of deviants love Yaoi, if you're on of that 98%, you better be damn proud! D<
    ~Hertika:iconHertika: Jun 2, 2008, 9:02:25 PM
    Woeh, you're pictures are very impressive ^__^

    And you're hot ;)

    xx.
    ~Sylina:iconSylina: May 18, 2008, 2:48:44 AM Mood: Joy
    Last time, i dreamd from someone who looked like you. Today i find this photos on deviant art XD its funny

    I loveeeeeee your photos so much :P you look very cute

    Thats all i wanted to say

    Much Kisses

    gina

    --
    *~Only Love and Music are forever~*
    ~yaiza-ferron:iconyaiza-ferron: May 15, 2008, 2:49:19 AM
    Hola!
    He usado una de tus fotos de stock como referencia en uno de mis dibujos
    [link]

    Gracias!!

    --
    :gun: :butterflytwo: :skullbones: ~ Don't regret the rules I broke
    When I die bury me in smoke ... ~ :skullbones: :butterflytwo: :gun:
    ~Bhrae:iconBhrae: Apr 27, 2008, 7:17:48 AM
    Your VF profile made me laugh. When I write something, you are what I strive for. Prepare to be stalked.

    --
    98% of the teenage population has tried marijuana. If you are one of the 2% who DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT, copy and paste this in your signature.

    Every time I see someone with Faith In Humanity Points in their signature my Faith In Humanity Points go down.
    ~Polyanthum:iconPolyanthum: Mar 15, 2008, 3:16:23 PM Mood: Love
    Oh-my-god! I love your eyes....!!!

    --
    Pls look my Works and give some adds <3
    ~Mcvann:iconMcvann: Mar 3, 2008, 5:55:17 PM
    I've seen you before! *Feels like a stalker* Not the way I meant it but, I saw one of your pictures and a profile on VampireFreaks.com

    Unless that wasn't you and someone just used your picture. Than how rude of them!
    ~daftxxxLOvePOtion:icondaftxxxLOvePOtion: Feb 26, 2008, 4:46:28 PM Mood: Adoration
    You're adorable!^^

    --
    Wanna see a pencil disappear?

    DARK KNIGHT
    R.I.P Heath Ledger I love you
    ~Music---my-lifeblood:iconMusic---my-lifeblood: Feb 25, 2008, 10:26:24 PM Mood: Adoration
    Hello!I just wanted to say your gallery is lovely!
    I really like the lighting,and your eyes.Your eyes are beautiful.:heart:They remind me of a line from a song:
    "Eyes of a fallen angel,eyes,of a tragedy".*watches you*
    :hug:
    Hope to see more great work soon!

    --
    There is no dark side of the moon really. Matter of fact it's all dark.
    ~lioness7s:iconlioness7s: Feb 19, 2008, 9:48:23 PM
    Used your stock here and thanks a lot: [link]
    [x]

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